Tell me about it.
>went to the store on Thursday
>bought a half gallon jar of pickles
>love me some pickles
>eat one as soon as I get home
>tastesgoodman.bat
>so good I decide I'll have a few more
>walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated
>not by a long shot
>come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time
>eat several pickles each time
>after an hour the jar is empty
>400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good
>thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach
>not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain
>initiate sprint to bathroom mode
>barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole
>never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows
>after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops
>toilet water is green and smells like vinegar
>body didn't even try to digest that shit
>clean up and go back to computer
>thinking "thank god that's over"
>Not. Even. Close.
>five minutes later the rumbling is back
>even louder this time
>sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat
>this happens five more fucking times
>it's finally all gone
>stomach is concave, I have never had less food inside my body
>completely cleaned out
>cue rumble
>sit on toilet but it's different this time
>I KNOW there's nothing in there
>shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better
>"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-"
>all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter
>I had just shat out pure stomach acid
>frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien
>craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing
>eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon
>sleep for fourteen hours
In retrospect, it was all totally worth it.
I love me some pickles.
That was a wild fucking ride.