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# psychological-pineapple-warfare

By accelerates-wednesdaysf1 on January 24, 2026
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    >Be me
    >Be 16
    >New school, introduced to class
    >Meet guy who is an asshole, let's call him Shitgut
    >Shitgut tries to start bullying me
    >Be alpha and resist
    >Don't make many friends, don't need them
    >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids
    >Decide to fuck him up
    >Figure where his locker is

    >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen
    >Mark down where he lives, GTFO

    >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains
    >Spend six months practically stalking that fuck, making sure I don't get caught
    >Map out where he is at any time, at all times

    >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple
    >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door
    >His parents ain't home for hours, seen by nobody
    >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares
    >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room
    >People think he's making it up
    >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes
    >Hallway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple
    >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple
    >He doesn't mention the pineapples to anyone anymore
    >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key
    >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work
    >Leave a pineapple on his bed
    >Hear he's failing classes

    >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that shit
    >Send him a fucking pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address
    >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore

    >Don't even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for shits and giggles now
    >Bombard that fuck with random pineapples every few weeks for two fucking years
    >School year ends, finish school
    >Go to college like a boss

    >Come back home for the holidays
    >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store
    >It's Shitgut.
    >Someone had left a fucking pineapple on the beer shelf

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