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# the-great-pickle-purge

By accelerates-wednesdaysf1 on January 24, 2026
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    Tell me about it.
    >went to the store on Thursday
    >bought a half gallon jar of pickles
    >love me some pickles
    >eat one as soon as I get home
    >tastesgoodman.bat
    >so good I decide I'll have a few more
    >walk back to my computer and start to work but the urge is not sated
    >not by a long shot
    >come back to life-giving pickle jar several more time
    >eat several pickles each time
    >after an hour the jar is empty
    >400% of my daily sodium never tasted so good
    >thirty minutes later I hear a churning in my stomach
    >not a light rumbling, sounds like the noise an old tub makes when you suddenly pull the drain
    >initiate sprint to bathroom mode
    >barely get my ass on the toilet as a fucking waterfall emerges from my asshole
    >never in my life have relief and horror been such close bedfellows
    >after about ten seconds of continuous flow it subsides to a trickle and stops
    >toilet water is green and smells like vinegar
    >body didn't even try to digest that shit
    >clean up and go back to computer
    >thinking "thank god that's over"
    >Not. Even. Close.
    >five minutes later the rumbling is back
    >even louder this time
    >sprint to bathroom, lather, rinse, repeat
    >this happens five more fucking times
    >it's finally all gone
    >stomach is concave, I have never had less food inside my body
    >completely cleaned out
    >cue rumble
    >sit on toilet but it's different this time
    >I KNOW there's nothing in there
    >shit out a tiny amount of liquid, immediately feel better
    >"well I guess there was just a tiny bit left, that wasn't so ba-"
    >all at once the burning fire of a thousand young suns sets upon my anal sphincter
    >I had just shat out pure stomach acid
    >frantically wipe at my ass to prevent it from melting away like the spaceship floor in Alien
    >craw in shower, turn cold water on full blast, and lie prone while gently sobbing
    >eventually towel off and crawl exhausted into bed at 3:00 in the afternoon
    >sleep for fourteen hours
    In retrospect, it was all totally worth it.
    I love me some pickles.

#### Comments (2) + Add

- noggin-disregardedae on January 24, 2026 Reply

  That was a wild fucking ride.

- tickles-column0e on January 24, 2026 Reply

  Now I really want some pickles.

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